Wednesday, October 07, 2009
How Much Weight Do I Gain to Become REAL..?
Memo to Models: You are not real women.
We had a meeting and determined your lack of realness makes the rest of us feel bad.
Some of you puked or starved your way into making the whole lot look lousy. But the primary offenders are those of you born to be really really tall, with willowy legs and narrow hips. You piss us off the most.
So in a celebration of overwhelming mediocrity over rarefied beauty, we want you out of our magazines. And step away from the catwalk. We want to look at women who look like us--REAL WOMEN.
Don't give us your pity-party tales of being poked fun at growing up. "Bird Legs!" "Skyscraper!" "Skeletor..." So what if you were taller than every boy you ever had a crush on...
We're not impressed. We've been called FAT, ya know.
So here's to more "Dove Real Beauty" moments. Here! Here! (Pay no attention to Dove's sister brand: Axe. Hey Unilever, Axe guys aren't into real beauty??...)
Beauty is out. Obesity is in.
Next Week's Agenda: What to do with following troublemakers:
People with perfect teeth, perfect symmetry, pretty feet, nice hair, good posture, smooth skin, and all professional athletes.